A stop-fighting program for couples, step by step from argument to repair
Developed by Murat Yön, clinical psychologist and couples therapist
Whatever the topic, you end up in the same fight; you make up, but it never really closes. The stop-fighting program works on the cycle of the same fight step by step, from the argument itself to repair.
First a free 4–5 minute assessment, then a 12‑step plan ordered for you.
Start the conflict assessmentSee your plan without signing up
If one of these sentences is yours
- "Whatever the topic, we end up in the same fight; by the end we forget who was right."
- "My voice rises, then I regret it — but in the moment I can't stop myself."
- "We make up, but nothing closes; a week later we're back in the same place."
Sentences we hear often; not user reviews.
What is inside
Conflict management is a 10-session module; emotion regulation (5), apology and forgiveness (5) and positive balance (5) complete it. The assessment orders these, and the rest of the 37-module program, for you.
Topics covered in this section
- The anatomy of conflict
Seeing that the fight is a pattern, not a topic: who starts, who withdraws, where the loop locks.
- The moment of flooding
Recognizing when the body takes over; learning that a time-out is not walking away.
- Observation or evaluation?
The language that replaces "you always…"; speaking in the name of a need.
- The anatomy of a real apology
What an apology needs in order to work; what forgiveness is not.
- The 5:1 observation
Tracking the balance of positive and negative interactions together for a week.
- Couple sessions
Each of you first thinks the fight through on your own phone, from your own side; individual answers stay with you. At the comparison step, if you both feel ready and safe, you read what you wrote to each other; you decide what to share.
A sample exercise from the program: a time-out plan for flooding
When an argument heats up, the body goes into alarm mode and listening becomes almost impossible; the session calls this physiological flooding. It does not look the same for everyone — for some the heart races, for others heat rises or the mind goes blank. This exercise is a time-out plan you write together at a calm moment, so that you can continue the conversation once you have both calmed down.
- Note your own flooding signs separately: heat rising, a clenched jaw, repeating the same sentence, or going silent and freezing.
- Choose a short time-out signal together, a phrase or a hand gesture. Whoever uses it does not need permission.
- Agree in advance how long the break lasts and what you will do: a walk, slow breathing, music. The session suggests 20–30 minutes, without replaying the fight in your head.
- Decide how you will come back and who reaches out. A time-out postpones the topic rather than closing it; you return when you both feel ready and safe.
- Rehearse the plan once while calm, and talk about any fear that a break means being left.
The plan is for arguments that are wearing but safe. If there is fear, threats, control or violence, this is a matter of safety first, not a communication exercise: do not make a joint plan; reach a professional or a helpline.
Abridged from the app session “Physiological Flooding and Self-Soothing” (Conflict Management module).
How it works
- Relationship assessment (4–5 minutes, free)
25–30 questions, including what you and your partner tend to do during an argument, how much distance follows it and who usually makes the first move. The questions adapt to your answers; no sign-up needed.
- A twelve-step plan
If the same argument coming back is in front, the plan opens with Conflict Management; in the sample plan, Apology & Repair comes next. The remaining modules stay open.
- Sessions at calm times
You can start the emotion regulation and observation sessions on your own. Once you invite your partner, the same subscription opens for both of you, and the same account continues in the browser.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are the assessment and plan free?
Yes. The relationship assessment that asks about your conflict cycle, and the 12-step plan it produces, are free and need no sign-up. Continuing with the conflict management, emotion regulation and repair sessions requires a paid Couples Wellness subscription, which also covers your linked partner. Sexual Wellness is a separate app with its own account and subscription. See the pricing page for current options.
What if my partner says "the problem is you"?
You can start alone. The emotion regulation and observation sessions are single-person; recognizing your own flooding signs and seeing your own share of the cycle does not need your partner's agreement. When your partner is ready, they join by invitation and you move on to the couple sessions together.
Should we open the app during a fight?
No; the program is designed for the calm time between fights, not the middle of one. Exercises such as the time-out plan are done in advance, so when flooding comes you use the signal and the break you agreed on instead of looking at a screen. Returning to the conversation waits until you have both calmed down.
How long does a session take?
In the app, each of the ten Conflict Management sessions is listed at 12–14 minutes, and the five Emotional Regulation sessions at 8–18 minutes. Sessions combine reading, questions you answer on your own and a shared exercise; you can leave the exercise for a calm time that suits you both.
Does the program aim to end arguments completely?
No. The Conflict Management module does not treat arguing as bad in itself, and one session is devoted to perpetual problems that may never be solved. The aim is not zero conflict but helping arguments become less wearing by practicing calm openings, time-outs and repair attempts. Results differ from couple to couple.
Phone or computer?
Either works. Use your Couples Wellness account in the web app or in the Couples Wellness mobile app downloaded from the App Store or Google Play. Your Couples Wellness account is separate from your Apple or Google store account, and from any Sexual Wellness account.
Guide on this topic: How to apologize to your partner and repair after hurt
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