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An intimacy program for couples in a sexless marriage, without pressure

Portrait of Murat Yön Developed by Murat Yön, clinical psychologist and couples therapist

It has been months; you both know it, but no one brings it up. The sexless-marriage program works on fading closeness without pressure, starting with talking.

First a free 4–5 minute assessment, then a 12‑step plan ordered for you.

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See your plan without signing up

If one of these sentences is yours

  • "It hasn't happened in months; we both know, but neither of us brings it up."
  • "There is love, we're friends — but touching feels foreign."
  • "I want to, they don't — or the other way round; every attempt feels like a rejection."

Sentences we hear often; not user reviews.

What is inside

Physical intimacy is a 12-session module; desire and romance (10) and emotional intimacy (10) complete it. The assessment orders these, and the rest of the 37-module program, for you.

Topics covered in this section

  • The science of touch

    Starting with non-sexual touch; waiting for the body to say "safe" again.

  • The neuroscience of desire

    Spontaneous and responsive desire; how "I don't want to" is often "not yet".

  • The dimensions of intimacy

    Finding which closeness ended first when sex ended; usually the talking goes first.

  • The unspoken contract

    The rules for talking about sex: no blame, no scoring, a "no" that is accepted.

  • Romance and play

    Small, repeatable ways out of routine; regular attention rather than grand gestures.

  • Couple sessions

    On hard topics such as desire and limits, each of you first writes on your own phone; these individual answers are not shared with your partner. At the shared step you choose what to read aloud; for the daily question, answers open once you both reply.

A sample exercise from the program: a safe space and the “stop” practice

Where touch has been missing for a long time, the first step is often not sex but finding again that "no" is safe. This session talks about limits first, then practices respecting "stop" with a small, non-sexual touch.

  1. Write separately: where you feel comfortable in physical closeness, where you would like to be able to say "stop", and how easy naming a limit feels.
  2. Share your answers in turn. The listener does not defend or explain, and simply says, "Thank you for telling me."
  3. Ask before holding hands. Whoever does not feel like it can choose the no-touch option: the same rule with eye contact or conversation.
  4. When one of you says "stop", the other lets go at once, without asking why. After a short pause, whoever wishes can ask again.
  5. If you like, share what it felt like to have your limit respected.

This is not a performance or a warm-up for sex; either of you can stop at any moment, and a "no" is not negotiated. If sex is painful, stop and see a doctor. If there is fear, threats, control or violence, this is a matter of safety first; reach a professional or a helpline instead.

Abridged from the app session “Safe Space” (Physical Intimacy module).

How it works

  1. Relationship assessment (4–5 minutes, free)

    25–30 questions, including whether you can talk about sex, whether your levels of desire differ and how desire tends to show up for you. The questions adapt to your answers; no sign-up needed.

  2. A twelve-step plan

    If intimacy is in front, the desire and romance and physical intimacy modules sit within the first three steps; if arguments are wearing you down, the plan opens by calming them first.

  3. Talking first, then touch

    You can start the emotional intimacy and desire sessions on your own. When your partner accepts your invitation, the subscription covers them too; the web app uses the same account.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are the assessment and plan free?

Yes, the assessment and your suggested 12-step plan are free and need no sign-up; the assessment also asks about closeness and desire. The physical intimacy, desire and emotional intimacy sessions open with a paid Couples Wellness subscription. One subscription also covers your linked partner, while Sexual Wellness is a separate app and is not included. Options are on the pricing page.

My partner won't talk about this; how do I start?

Start alone: the emotional intimacy and desire sessions are single-person. Working through your own wishes, your silence and your fear of rejection first can make the later conversation feel less loaded. The program's first step is making that conversation possible again; your partner joins by invitation when ready.

Is there sexual content?

The program shows no explicit content. Sessions cover touch, differences in desire, body image and talking about sex; exercises that involve touch also offer a no-touch option, and anyone can stop at any moment. The texts are written in the language of psychoeducation.

Will my partner see my answers?

The answers you give in the assessment are private and are not shown to your partner. Individual reflection answers in sessions also stay with you; at the comparison step you can read them to each other if you both feel ready and safe. In the sexual communication session you choose which items on your lists to share; not sharing or postponing is valid.

Is it suitable if our levels of desire differ?

Yes. One session in the Physical Intimacy module is devoted to differences in desire, and one in Desire and Romance to spontaneous and responsive desire. The aim is not to pull one partner towards the other's frequency but to find a way of talking about the gap without blame.

Guide on this topic: Keeping desire and passion alive

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