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For the emotional distance between you, a program you can work through together

Portrait of Murat Yön Developed by Murat Yön, clinical psychologist and couples therapist

You do not even fight; you live like two housemates. The emotional distance program works on the gap between you in small steps, from listening to saying what you feel.

First a free 4–5 minute assessment, then a 12‑step plan ordered for you.

Start the distance assessment

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If one of these sentences is yours

  • "We don't even fight; we're like flatmates."
  • "When I tell them something they look at their phone or offer a fix; I never feel heard."
  • "I don't know what I feel myself, so I can't say it."

Sentences we hear often; not user reviews.

What is inside

Emotional intimacy is a 10-session module; communication (10), deep empathy (10) and feelings and needs (5) complete it. The assessment orders these, and the rest of the 37-module program, for you.

Topics covered in this section

  • The dimensions of intimacy

    Emotional, intellectual, physical, everyday: which one has thinned, which still stands.

  • Active listening

    Listening without fixing or defending; what "I heard you" really means.

  • Feelings and needs

    Finding the need under the anger; naming the feeling.

  • What is empathy?

    Understanding without agreeing; entering your partner's world for a minute.

  • Small daily turns

    Noticing bids for connection and answering them; small turns rather than the big talk.

  • Breaking the silence together

    With the daily question you each write on your own phone; answers open together once both of you have written, so nobody has to be the one who speaks first.

A sample exercise from the program: noticing small bids for connection

Emotional distance rarely starts with a decision. It grows through small moments nobody notices: an unanswered message, a "how are you?" that stays on the surface. Couple research calls these signals bids for connection; each one is answered, turned down or missed. This exercise spends a week learning to see them and turn towards them.

  1. Choose a week and watch for the small signals your partner sends you: a comment, a smile, "look at this", a hand on your shoulder.
  2. Turn towards every bid you notice, even briefly: look up from your phone, ask a question, reply.
  3. Look at your own bids as well; when you want to share something, say it in a small, clear sentence instead of hinting.
  4. At the end of the week, write down separately how many of each other's bids you noticed and which ones slipped past.
  5. Talk your notes through at a good moment, then make one small bid to each other right there.

The count is for noticing, not for finding out who missed more. If there is violence, threats, control or fear in your relationship, stop this exercise; your safety comes first, so contact a professional or a helpline.

Abridged from the “Emotional Distance” session (Emotional Intimacy module) in the app.

How it works

  1. Distance assessment (4–5 minutes, free)

    25–30 questions that adapt to your answers help separate whether silence or arguing weighs more between you. No sign-up needed; your answers stay on your device.

  2. A twelve-step plan

    If intimacy is in front, it sits within the first three steps; as in the sample plan, Emotional Intimacy, Feelings & Needs and Communication may lead. If arguments are wearing you down, the plan opens by calming them first.

  3. You first, then both of you

    You can start the feelings, needs and listening sessions on your own. When you invite your partner, the same subscription opens for them too, and you carry on with the same account on your phone or in the browser.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I pay for the distance assessment or the plan?

No. Taking the assessment and seeing your suggested 12-step plan cost nothing. To continue with the sessions included in the subscription you need a paid Couples Wellness subscription, which also covers your linked partner. It does not cover Sexual Wellness, a separate app with its own account. Current options are on the pricing page.

What if my partner says "there's no problem"?

Start alone; the feelings, needs and listening sessions are single-person. When one person changes the way they listen and share, the conversation can often reopen. Your partner joins by invitation when ready, and you move on to the couple sessions together.

Does it work for a long-distance relationship?

Yes. Sessions do not require being in the same room; you each take part from your own phone. You answer the daily question at a time that suits you, and the answers open once you both have. The comparison steps in sessions can be read to each other on a video call.

Will my partner see my answers?

Your assessment answers are yours only. What you write to the personal questions in sessions also stays with you and is not shared with your partner; at the comparison step, if you both feel ready and safe, you read your answers to each other. With the daily question, answers open together once you have both written.

How long are the sessions in these modules?

Sessions in the Emotional Intimacy, Communication, Deep Empathy and Feelings & Needs modules take between 10 and 16 minutes. Most combine a short reading, questions you answer on your own and an exercise you can try together; you decide when to move on to the next one.

Guide on this topic: We don't talk anymore

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